His eyes show no soul inside. Any updates? I dont know what to do. Thats his routine. I dont want to be ignorant Im just trying to understand. I am 19 and have a boyfriend with ADHD and Asbergers and I am wondering if I can post something and have free access to delete it in the future if possible. Apparently I failed the tests. I find out a few days later he was still talking to his best friend. On the other hand, he wants me to be with him every weekend and all weekend long. Researched. At first when he was just a bit hurt he reacted by getting angry at me. As it was the first time happening in my life it left me shook then angry so I broke up with him a couple of days later. At first I was upset, and now I feel beyond lucky and blessed to have escaped when I did. I want out of all of this. One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is why an aspie (or suspected aspie) suddenly goes "cold" and backs off on an otherwise good relationship. They found the smallest ways to ruin things for you, like wearing the wrong clothes to a semi-formal occasion or spending an anniversary playing video games. He was socially awkward but I loved that. We know that many problems cannot be fixed. He thinks logically, Not emotionally as you do. But i just want us to be ok and go back to normal. Ill listen. We met in college and were smitten. The very dramatic emotions are just the comfort of expressing emotions along with ideas, whereas Aspies tend to keep these things separate as if they are unrelated. Now of course it is like we lost her completely. He instead emailed my lawyer saying Ill pay for whatever she needs to deal with her mom yet wont call me back or text me back. I certainly grieve over my mistakes and wished Id had the insight I have now. Hi Rosh. Meltdowns are the norm. Kathy, I am the NT in the marriage with the man who I love dearly. They had no judgement about what most would consider to be broken or weird. I apologized to him. For the first time, you werent experiencing jealousy or fears of infidelity anymore because this was a person who was authentic, genuine, real. Love You. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". These robots are programmed different to othet people. Also I want to know is it something I did that made him act like this ? While I am sympathetic to his sensitivities, I have to have boundaries. In recent years I felt that we were getting only the fake version of her. Me and my bff worked together for over 2 years and in that time, he literally barely spoke a word to ANYONE at work. I just want it to work out but Im afraid after reading a lot of these posts it will never get better and I dont want to accept it. actually, at 65 just a life without his never ceasing childish bickering. Unless you live in Utopia or Disneyland, he will not maintain or learn. My last texts werent answered, and Im worried I might have accidentally miscommunicated in a way that she took wrongly. After seven months of making my BF feel amazing (as he put it everyday), I literally got flowers one time on my bday and told I was pretty only on that day. to uphold their unintentional abuse behaviors. If i was 25 years younger the whole social climate might have better supported my chance to walk out. Being that she is a coworker I can't reach out. And most of all this shutting down after he is triggered by something. Everyone thought he was crazy for how he treated me and the oddly sensitive letters they received from him when they hated him and never spoke to him for years. We are both bright and have completed graduate degrees, but have had many struggles in our marriage as well as in maintaining friendships. When I brought up how he doesn't express how he feels or take proactive steps he backed off a bit. I think its either because they had one parent not on the spectrum or parents who did not teach by example these behaviors and held them to higher standards. Is this what you want for your future ? Finally she told us she never wants to see us again . By making it so it feels more acceptable Easier to deal with, but dont be mistaken It is abusive behavior nonetheless and they will not change. Really? So i can not know what happened to him that i can deal with it. If we stay together longer, you'll . Can Entrepreneurial Women Measure Up to Their Definition of Success? I have tried reaching out to him, first via texts, which he mostly ignored and then said that he is now unsure of whether he wishes to continue in our relationship. I am completely helpless and i have no idea what to do. Something terrible happened to me and my partner last week but mainly to me, a violation of my privacy and my partner who is aspie felt as though his pride was damaged and now blames me for what has happened. I am disappointed at you because you hurt me and I refuse to discuss the concerns becuase I struggle with me putting others first. Filled with assessments and exercises for both you and your partner, this book will help you forge a deeper, more fulfilling . Any advice would be appreciated. Let me help a little. When that doesn't work, they criticize me. Many couples have learned how to cope with these situations by creating their own personal rules for engagement. He cant even be bothered to send me an emoji Example 1. Its all about THEM. So much of the blog and comments resonate with what is happening in my own marriage. Your partner needs a good psychologist to unwind things. Common symptoms of Asperger's that may impact social interaction or communication include: Problems making or maintaining friendships. I want to tell her how I feel today, that I feel sad about how things are but I know that will make her feel anxious, so I have nothing to say. Aspie-neurotypical relationships often start out with intense passion, then fizzle and devolve into disaster. If they stop biking he stops connecting with them. He would stay up late and I woke up to bring him to bed and as soon as I started cuddling with him he breaks it off to me " I don't thinks this is working any more" I thought he was joking! She was defensive. Familiarize yourself with the signs, sometimes known as the seven stages of trauma bonding. I hear your pain and share your feelings of devastation. Those are questions I am wondering as well. It did not go well at all. I dont know how to deal with it. Maybe you can not see through healthy eyes because you have issues from your own past. Since then I have been trying to talk to him again and again. He constantly will just get dressed and leave and then come back surprised I got worried about him. I am now a crumpled thrown away mess Weve traded a few sporadic texts, but none recently. My ex aspie partner doesnt even want anything to do with his own child. Wow, maybe it's a gender issue, but I have never had a problem with being quiet about issues in a relationship. Thank you for pointing this out Lina. He asked me a month before, how are you feeling about me and my behavior. Doesnt ask how Im feeling. He chose to sit in a bar and drink to excess every night. All you poor broken people herei shed tears for you all I'm so glad I ran across this blog post. Its totally private but is unique in that both NeuroTypical and NeuroDiverse can participate. However, he still doesnt want me on social media and I havent met his parents. That's because ASD/ASC is primarily a social-emotional-communication difference. I spent a lot of years struggling with my own NeuroDivergent family, so when I developed this course, I had that suffering as a backdrop for my words. We do not live together. I have apologized to him a few times, but he just doesnt seem to be interested in talking now. I pointed out that we hadnt talked in three months and he agreed that was the case. Get more authentic and back in touch with yourself and others. Try to remember that these suggestions come from a desire to help, but also a false belief that all you have to do is put your mind to it and all will be fixed. Often, a . And of course its less complex/awkward with friends than any kind of romantic relationship with the opposite sex(or same sex if you're gay I suppose). Well see. No talking. If we went to dinners and didnt drink he would barely talk, that made me anxious. I know that eventually this storm will pass, but I feel like by my letting it happen, I make it easier and easier for him to disrespect and emotionally abuse me. As hard as it is your mental and physical well-being is very important during this time for you to be able to cope. He did something wrong and I came down on him hard. Your words resonated with me that I obliterated him. Ive been slowly setting boundaries but this last one of no more name calling has set him into a silent shutdown for a week so far. So i wish him all the best and since i've realised that our relationship was just impossible even though we both tried so hard to make it work, i feel much better now. I feel like all I have to do is to attract his attention to the issue and only a professional can do this, not me. By the time I was in junior high, it was easier to keep my distance from people than to explain why I couldn't have them over. He calls my family horrible things and he talks about me being an Aspie as if it were a terrible thing. They can still learn to be better people, just like everyone else. They create a mask for the rest of us, but anyone will tire eventually if they have to pretend constantly. I wish everyone well, get out as soon as you can. He's made his decision to leave because he can't express his needs and I don't read minds. I of course begged, pleated and apologized because of my abandonment issues to no avail. Same here. We spent the night together and next morning he was different. I paid the price for the next 30 years. I married a man with aspberger I did not understand his lack of emotion until reading about his problem. I need to know where is ASD effort, energy application of counseling skills to do better by their NT spouse!??! What I did not know is that she was going to completely cut me off. Did things improve? If you cannot runchildren..healthfinancial then forge a life without them in it. Everything is YOUR fault. I went back to school and became a teacher and put all my love, attention and focus on my students. Its been a month already. He has left me traumatised by the ten years of this lonely abuse, I just want to heal my self now and would love to meet someone who is warm loving and genuine. We have terminology that my ex obviously didnt know the meaning of, but used context clues to guess, and even though they guessed wrong, they would argue with me when I told them they were mistaken. Is there hope or should I walk away? . I especially expected this since we were basically inseperable, he had no other friends and he told me everything and always said how grateful he was to me, etc. I believe some ASD are different. You felt like the luckiest person on the planet. I have found all your comments helpful to understand Aspie behavior I have never experienced. 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